Depending on your answer on how you parent yourself, I have determined I am a hypocrite and I am objectively logical in raising my children, and subjectively irrational to myself. 1 of the complex types refuses to follow any rules. I’ve always been that stubborn, “I’ll do it my way”. I don’t follow parenting magazines, seemingly on principle alone. If I don’t figure it out for myself, I feel lazy. It’s weird. Yet, inside, I criticize myself constantly for abnormality, lack of structure, or just missing the mark constantly. I made rigid plans/to do lists, then beat my ass down when I didn’t meet the mark (Ever). When I started asking myself nicely what I need today, versus ordering myself around, I started finding cool things out about me, and areas I needed to heal, or work on.
Jung and Buddhism explain how to accept the mind. They both speak of the need to transcend the ego to become the higher self. They both view duality as a root for suffering. Jung speaks about the shadows being the repressed part of you (think Freud) causing disorders/distortions in the psyche, which create illnesses. Buddha talks of the seeking the middle path, that nothing is good or bad, it just is. If my mind is fighting my nature, and my mind is the result of the way I parent myself, I am coping with..me?
Buddha and Jung suggest that ego is at war with your nature, or a war with yourself in your brain. So, most people need coping skills if they fight with themselves all the damn time. A Buddhist monk had said that if you want to calm your mind, you have to accept that you will have a lot of thoughts. Eventually, there will be less thoughts. To fight your thoughts is to fight with yourself. Could that mean that all of my angst and releasing emotions is my teenage self rebelling against my helicopter self parenting self? Jung calls this process differentiation – when you create your own identity separate of your parents, spouse, etc. It is the start of enlightenment/transcendence.
Jung made me wonder how much these complexes tie in to diagnoses. Jung was a psychologist. His theories are based on studying his patients. My brain is at war with itself…isn’t that the description of bipolar? Jung utilized and encouraged the use of mindfulness and meditation to his patients. He found that the only way to transcend these wounds, to achieve the higher self, happiness, your life’s purpose, all the wu-wu words, is to free the mind. Relieve yourself of the ego’s burdens. Buddha said the same about the ego and enlightenment.
This is why I meditate. I did not come to meditation from church/temple or mental hospital. I came to meditation because: when I was a little girl I did the hot air balloon meditation and it helped make my tummy aches go away, and now that I’m a fully grown womanchild, I (still) have a thing for Maynard James Keenan and TOOL, I am obsessive about topics I am passionate about, and Maynard’s lyrics are Jungian concepts, and yeah, that’s me. I find it funny that my spiritual journey was catalyzed by one of my favorite high school bands. TOOL man, come on.
There are far to many stressors in day to day life without reliving my adolescence every time I want to make a decision. As such, I am re-parenting myself as the cool mom I am. I have to talk to myself pretty regularly, it’s okay if I screw up, and I really, really think I am just beautiful inside and out. In all of this hard work, there is cheese (and chores). Being a parent is not an easy job, and realizing that you have to parent yourself too is a lot of work.
I never let myself take time off before, because I was screwing up everything as a mom/human/life form while being a good mom to my kids, and there was no time to think about me (while I thought about all my problems with me). I am not big on telling people what to do, but I will say this – if you do not take time out of your life to sit down and stuff your face with cheese, you are in big trouble. Unless you are lactose intolerant or don’t like cheese, in which case, I weep.
Cheese has similar chemical effects on the brain as opiates. This is important, because sobriety and parenting are two difficult categories to maintain. While I would never, ever suggest people get shitfaced constantly or parent their kids as functional alcoholics, I would strongly suggest that favorite foods and drinks frequently with oneself or good company is as much a part of motherhood as pissing when we laugh, or cough, or sneeze, or think too hard… I like to make very fancy looking delectables and eat until I won’t shit right for a week.
Why the gluttony? Why not. We get so hung up in doing everything “right” that we forget it is what is wrong that makes us see what it is right. Literally, this is what Buddha is talking about with getting rid of duality. That is not to say Buddha wants everyone to start snorting blow off a hooker’s ass, but allow yourself to be you at peace. Accepted, and loved. You are the darkness and light, because you are the Yin Yang.
Those dates with myself, breaks I give myself, are what help me breathe a little deeper when I am coping with myself or kids. We all do not seem to think we deserve the kindness we give to others to ourselves. I have to think there’s a ripple effect, that even if I think I’m not being a helicopter to my kids, if this is the inner monologue I have with myself, is that not the dialogue I bring forth, even if it is subconsciously? Nope, if I tell the kids they are superheroes, I must treat myself as a superhero…who digs cheese and beer in “super-sized” quantities, oh! Oh ho ho ho! what a Mom joke!
“No chores until you eat your cheese” ~ The Itchy Assed Mom
Check out Actual Self-Help Tips for some tips on re-parenting.
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