I have a huge problem with most self help “guru’s” or salespeople. Maybe I am too literal, I’ve been accused of this before, but when I think of self help, I think of myself helping…myself. If I am spending $10 – $3000 for someone else to tell me what to do, I don’t consider it “self” help. I also have a serious problem with this overwhelming “THINK POSITIVE!” over the top saccharin infused crap that I see out there. So, I’m going to put some tips to inspire you to help yourself, if you are interested. Please feel free to add your own, and hell reblog, let’s start some convo’s about helping ourselves without paying for someone to give us a webinar on it.
I will start with re-parenting – since I wrote about that here & here. I focus on self care, re-parenting, and healing (mediation/yoga/mindfulness) in support of myself (mental health issues, parenting insanity, life insanity). I don’t believe medication or therapy are the end all be all; frankly, I believe the opposite. So, how exactly, does someone re-parent themselves? For me, I am going chakra by chakra for healing and understanding/awareness of myself. If you are not into chakras, just ignore that part, haha.
Re-parenting is creating healthy habits and routines to support and nurture you and your inner child.
#1 – Self Talk – I Am ______ – The Root Chakra
If you are a parent, think about how you talk to your children versus yourself, if not, think about your spouse, friends, or co-workers.
- How do you interact with others? Do you give yourself the same kindness and respect?
- I explore this in my journal. Journaling is my #1 go to for everything
- Do you ruminate, contemplate, or affirm? What is the difference?
- Ruminations are judgments. Contemplations are observations. Affirmations are intentions & mantras.
- Think about a typical day, how many messages/thoughts are you allowing to dictate your mood and behavior? How often are you ruminating? How many times do you contemplate? How many times do you affirm?
These questions were helpful because I started to become aware of the thought patterns and how crappily I talked to myself. It’s usually unconscious habit that affects us constantly with us barely noticing it.
Your first instinct may be (like mine), “I’m going to fight all of this bad behavior! I am going to tell myself to knock it right off!” No, that’s not going to help, either. Fighting the mind is the surest way to ruminate and chatter more.
Arguing or beating yourself down, even in the name of positive progress is contrary to the goal. If your child is struggling with a subject in school, do you yell at them? Do you punish them?
I envision my mind as an ocean now. Everything that happens in my mind is a wave or a current. I can fight these waves, and the current will suck me further from the shore of peace, I can allow these waves to knock me over, or I can float. When thoughts/emotions/rumination occurs, I float by acknowledging and accepting. Not every thought must be addressed, chased, or acted upon.
I might pull out my journal and contemplate it – what caused this? what is triggering me? what is my mood? what is my anxiety level & depression level (1-10)? This is hugely helpful to start to see patterns and release.
I do not focus on the negative, nor do I dump myself in positive, I observe and question.
Every Sunday, I set an affirmation for the week. My affirmations stay short, sweet, and simple. If I find myself ruminating or struggling, I breathe in, and breathe out reciting my affirmation in my mind. Last week, my affirmation was “I Am Bliss”. This week, “I Am Grateful” Even if something bad happens, or I am worried about something, I express gratitude, because hell, if nothing else, if you are stressing about money, you’re still alive, right?
Lastly, I support myself with my passion. The most transformational act I have done for myself is beginning to tap on the keyboard for you fine folks to read. I have dreamed of being a writer since I was a kid. I use chakras to guide me in my healing, etc. so in terms of chakras, I started with the Root chakra, responsible for I Am and the passion center. Igniting my passion brought the pain, rumination, and crap to the surface.
Awareness is the first step of any process, and that started with connecting with my creative outlet. What is yours? Your passion can support everything I have mentioned. Journaling and writing are mine, but all of this can be achieved in almost any outlet, if you get creative with yourself. Again, this is not a step by step how to, this is a hopeful inspiration for anyone seeking to help themselves.
Give me some comments – are you a ruminator? what is your passion? how can you leverage your passion to help re-parent yourself? If you think about it, most of us have been told that our dreams are unrealistic. Our dreams are usually our passions, and they get stuffed away for “the real world” How can you change that message alone to yourself?
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