My friend and I started helping each other find ourselves over last summer. Together, we connected with meditation and Yoga. It’s funny how Mother works. We both started talking when we were both in need of strength. It seems our friendship is the very manifestation of The Buddha’s Even Deal. We also have a rampant addiction to Cinnabon and have driven 45 minutes to a rest stop for it twice, with a third date planned tonight. (We’ve managed to make this trip four hours long each time, by going the wrong way out of the rest stop….)
Anyhoo, fattening delectables aside, Face (that’s what I call her) told me that I had to read The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein. We also agreed that we both needed to come back to the good things we were doing, because we both stopped. That’s the bitch of Ego & Fear. It’s so easy to lose yourself in both. Besides, when the world essentially demands that you 24/7 stare at a screen, consume, and be someone’s something, finding inner peace and “me time” is usually the last thing on the never-ending to do list.
I’ve written a few times now about how things went bananas for me in January/February. That resulted in a stay at the mental hospital, lots of meds, and me not working. I had expected, I think, that rest would make everything clear, or that things would resume as they were maybe? In reality, I became terrified of meditation and yoga, decreed everythign I thought was clearly insanity, and that I’m crazier than a shithouse rat.
So, here I sit. At this point, I have not done Yoga since February, aside from random stretches, etc. No routine, no nothing. I was not really meditating much, either. If I did, it was simple mindfulness exercises. I had tentatively ventured into some guided meditations and I started a crystal collection. I finally started journaling again, and a few times, I’ve done meditation then free writing. Essentially, I let everything fall apart. Lately, life was feeling more like a snowball effect of bullshit than anything. I would say it kind of got to the point where I was being screamed at, “Dude, kindly start getting your shit back together, you were on a good path!”
That culminated in a heart to heart with Face, and me starting the book, as well as us doing “Miracles May Happen” a 40 day guide by Gabby as well. We both read week 1, and did day 1. We decided we’re doing our own book club; apparently, it’s a membership of 2. I put Finding Center up today, because that was my first time putting everything together. I guess, in a sense, this may start part two in my journey. I don’t want to write a long rambly update of things from December to now, but there are some key points.
I believe thoughts create reality, and I have seen it proven to me so much in just the past 2 days. I believe that Maynard is right when he asks us to open our eyes, read between the lines, and seek the bigger picture in everything. I believe in the cosmic perspective, that we are all one. I believe that Jung is right, we all do need a higher power, but our higher power lies within, above, below, and all around. I believe that the Buddha is right in saying that our answers, wisdom, and dreams are all within. You cannot seek anything from anyone. I believe in Love. I call the Universe Mother. I believe everything is interconnected, and consciousness/enlightenment/happiness/joy are all not only within our capacity, but is essential to finding purpose and living the life you are meant to live. I’ve started reciting the mantra I had adopted in January again.
I wish to be what I am to become. I will Love, I am Love.
Reading the book yesterday was the most incredible feeling for me, because Gabby put everything that has been in my head/journal/blog/heart right there. It’s insanely reassuring to see the things you thought might be crazy written by someone else’s hand.
I’m excited, I’ve restarted my meditation practice, and I absolutely feel my energy back where it was. It’s as if I flipped a switch. It’s incredible to me, that just last week I said to myself that I need to change how I speak to myself, and that I am changing and improving. I swear to you, I feel exactly as I did before I got sick.
Not only that, my journaling has led me to the thought: “What if everything happened before simply to prove to you the power of fear, thought, and manifestation? What if everything repeated with you focused on love, gratitude, forgiveness, and (shock) not hating yourself/fearing your past/blaming yourself? What if you simply made your nightmares reality?”
So my part of my journey today starts with this question: What would happen if I made my dreams reality?
As I started in Why I Write, this blog is me becoming a writer by finding myself, figuring out my brain, my heart, and my soul through these sorts of ramblings, poetry, etc. Without intention, it’s worthless. My intention is to become a published author who makes people think, feel, and laugh.
If anyone wants to join up on my book club, please let me know. I know I’ve gushed to a few people about the books already 🙂 Cinnabon participation is completely voluntary, but highly recommended.
Thanks for joining me on my journey; I’m just learning to get started.