From My Mouth

My daughter, Barrel, gave me a piece of a pull and peel multi colored twizzler thing.  It was gross. She asked me what I thought, and our convo went like this:

Me: “Ugh, oh man, this tastes like plastic!  It tastes how I expect your kitchen toys taste like if I went upstairs and gnawed on it.”

B: “What!! It’s delicious!! Does that mean  you think regular Twizzlers taste like plastic too?”

Me: “NO! Regular Twizzlers taste like heaven; these taste like plastic.  I’m not trying to be mean or insult you, but you should know.  It tastes like plastic.”

I think, at this point, I’ve eaten all my favorite candy out of the baskets, which is good.  Hopefully, I can get back down to my pre-basket weight.  I don’t know why I am helpless against Kit Kats.

My sweet tooth is pretty insane, actually.  I have this thing for peanut M&Ms.  It’s unreal.  Every Christmas, I buy them for my candy dish, and every Christmas, I eat fistfuls at a time.  When we went on vacation, I decided an 8lb bag of them from Costco was a great idea.  I literally looked at Jack and said “Please STOP ME!!!” and the man had to hide them from me.  I’m a grown ass woman who turns into a 3 year old on a Halloween sugar rush.

My best friend’s birthday was yesterday.  So, she and I have this amazing friendship where we eat a lot of cheese, drink beer, sing Bon Jovi at the wee hours of the morning, and make fun of each other.  She’s a nurse, and I was oversharing my current weird health issues.  I was mainly just whining, so she kindly tells me to just saw it off.  I told her I think a melon baller would be more appropriate.  She told me to use both.  I told her that I was glad I consulted with my nurse friend about my health issues, because her advice is super helpful.  She goes, “Dude, I’m the worst nurse ever.” I said, “Oh good, I’m glad to see your friendship skills carried into your career. #blessed”

For my birthday, she and I ran away to Brigantine for a “fallfest”.  We had big plans, but the weather sucked, and we ended up lying around eating for 2 days straight.  The place had a gas fireplace, and for the life of us, we could not figure the thing out.  We had to do a consult with my HVAC mechanic dad via Facetime to figure out how to push a button, essentially.  I guess, more than anything, we needed reassurance that, if we were to light the pilot, we wouldn’t kill ourselves.  When my dad said, it’s fine, you won’t blow the place up, we were golden.

27 hours after arriving, us college grad, well educated, “successful” women pushed a button and made fire.  So, we’re settling in for our cozy evening, and we see that not only is Catch Me if You Can on, but Titanic is on.  I propose a drinking game.  The rules were simple: everytime someone said Jack, Dawson, Rose, you had to drink.  You remember the dinner scene with Jack?  In that scene alone, I finished a beer.

Anyway, my friend noted that while the fire was nice, it was silent, so it kind of lost its charm.  Well, I can’t allow my friend’s experience to be less than stellar.  I pulled up “ambient fireplace sound” on YouTube and placed my bluetooth speaker on the mantle.  We are kind of pathetic in the best possible way.

…My featured image is a stock photo… Why?  This seems oddly specific and weirdly not correlated.


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