Time is flying and crawling at the same time. Everything feels more paradoxical than reality. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately – I mean the eclipse and all pull to take some kind of personal inventory – consciously or unconsciously. The eclipse is bringing up for me: focus and conflict, reality and illusion, words and what is actually meant.
Is there an element that prevails over conflict?
I constantly want two diametrically opposing things at the same time. I’ve been waiting to connect with a resolution, then realize I’m the one saying I have a conflict. It’s like raaaaiiin on my wedding daaaayyyy…
Everything I say or think I am is actually a direct opposite of everything that is.
I’m the only one ever saying I have a problem.
Before accomplishment comes proficiency.
Is it good things come to those who wait or things are perceived as good or bad by focus?
When a baby is learning to walk, she can do it, but wobbly at first. More wobbles and falls make better walking. If we wouldn’t yell at a child for stumbling when learning to walk, why do we yell at ourselves?
Meditating and talking about how I feel with people I love and trust helps me focus on acceptance and take a break from the constant criticism.
That seems so simple, but it’s taken decades to do it. The same is true for moving. There’s never been a reason I couldn’t move, except that I wouldn’t move.
Isn’t that true for everything?
Time comes into question because decades is a word that encompasses a lot of blood sweat and tears, yet I barely remember it.
I struggle to remember lunch yesterday or eating it today.
Focus sets intention, intention is action, and action is life.
What are we if not action?
Even sitting, we’re doing.
Thoughts are not focus, they are the illusion of focus.
Much like worrying gives the illusion of progress.
God said “I am that I am.” Descartes said I think therefore I am.
This amazing gift of awareness, the ability to direct focus and use awareness and focus to create is what makes us the image of god, or like creator.
What are we if we aren’t doing something and observing it too?
What is choice? Is choice action taken?
Is the action not taken, and anything surrounding that an illusion?
If we argue with ourselves enough, will we somehow be better than exactly what we’re supposed to be?
How can we become perfect(er)? How can we help others become perfect(er)?
We live and die by words and grammar, yet our core wound isn’t a word that exists. These are standards a grammar nazi would frown at, yet we suffer doing exactly what was supposed to be in the first place.
Does water have a choice where it goes?
Everything as a whole goes, some drops splash on the banks, some drops evaporate, some create new bodies entirely, some keep going and coming back… That’s Tao. The whole illusion that we could make the wrong choice is the very thing that leads us to go against the current, is the very thing that creates what is called Karma.
Karma is a simple misunderstanding that somehow water is not water and though in different states, it cannot also be water. Substitute water with any other word, and it still makes sense.
The choices that are made from illogical standpoints are the resulting suffering leading karma to be referred to as a bitch. Karma is every step taken away from what is, and given Karma lives only in the mind, it too is an illusion. It didn’t happen.
A drop of water splashes on the bank. That water’s karma is nourishment for grass. We think and perceive karma as water being sad that it’s feeding grass not being water, but it is still water.
Dharma is water. Water becomes gas, ice, rain, and on and on. Change is inevitable, the focus is the experience. Experience is everything we are, and focus is our ability to experience it.
Destiny, fate, God, sin: all of these words are just as interchangeable.
Water is wet. Most suffering stems from thinking water is not wet, cannot go through cycles and processes, and should not flow.
Water cannot left or right, it can only progress. Words create expectations, expectations are thoughts, and thoughts can either be progress or problems, depending on focus.
Setting intentions happen with New Moons (right now). The moon moves in phases because it is life. The phase of darkness is the soil to plant seeds of new life. Everything grows in darkness. Life is life.
It’s going to happen anyway, but it’s focusing and observing create awareness of dreams coming true. September 2018, my new moon intention was a big white house with black shutters. I also said, “it’s time for me to be what I’m to become”.
Less than a year later, it’s a reality, but it feels like yesterday. It feels like it will never come. Soon it will have gone in a flash.
The ego and thinking experience through opposites. I know happy if I know sad, even though all of it is an illusion because the moment observation becomes thought, the present becomes past. The future also becomes present. (Life…uh…finds a way.)
(in my case, swap the s with m in sadness, cause this moving shit is crazy….)
Mah Butt Itches 
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