Well, I'm working through a lot of stuff right now because there are a lot of milestones/triggers/memories, whatever in this timeframe. From August to January, every year, I am most likely to go insane or start hurting myself in some manner. Whether it's picking up old habits or inventing new ones, I struggle up or... Continue Reading →
I had a panic attack last night because the counters were dirty. There I was shaking, heart trying to climb out of my chest ala Alien, and my brain running away in storyland. Because the counters were dirty. Initially, because I’m human, I was pissed. Like, “this? This is the hill we’re dying on today?... Continue Reading →
Today is Mental Health Day. It would be swell if I got to deal with my mental health once a year. For me, and anyone else who struggles, every day is mental health day. Often “good” days can be tainted with a sense of wondering when the shit will hit the fan. The “bad” days... Continue Reading →
If you asked me, (no one did) the hardest part of depression is admitting to yourself that you’re depressed. Following the woman in a black dress analogy, she doesn’t announce herself. She doesn’t even make herself at home. She silently climbs on your back and begins whispering in your ear. Her whispers become the painted... Continue Reading →
Sterilize Sterile smiles, virile lies I’m getting better, my soul has died It is an illness It is insane It is my heaven It is my grave They say it’s catching Like I’m a cough They say I’m crazy I say, so what? Starry eyes, eerie cries Into the heavens I have soared I’ve danced... Continue Reading →
I’ve been reading Touched by Fire. It’s a study on mood disorders - particularly bipolar - and artists. It’s so fascinating but also eating me up a bit. Reading the facts about Poe, Van Gogh, Woolfe, Tenneyson, Lord Byron...on and on...it’s cathartic to feel not alone and certainly in good company, and depressing to read... Continue Reading →
“Do you want to play?” He said. There was a twinkle in his eye. I was too young to know better, and curiosity always leads to stories. It wasn’t in the happy times He visited though. It was only in the sad times. Then, He would tell me how my veins would look better suited... Continue Reading →
It always starts and ends the same. Not enough. I am not enough. It is not enough. That was not enough. It was never enough to gain the one thing I wanted, but could never quite attain. Approval, maybe. Acceptance, perhaps? Love, for sure. But, I think maybe the calming hush of everything just being... Continue Reading →
Talking about rape, abortion, adoptions - also the last 20 years of my life. Don't read it if you don't want to read about yucky stuff. Go anywhere else on my blog, there's plenty.
