The Purpose of Pain

5 years ago, 2 people fought and 5 lives imploded. Countless others were hurt in the fallout. 4 years ago, I was continuing to be a functional alcoholic, self harming and taking out all my pain by starving myself and living on beer, a slice of ham and multivitamins. 3 years ago, I left the... Continue Reading →

Erasing the ‘t after Can’t

Hello there. Today was my 10th day writing on WordPress. I didn't get a badge, and I'm feeling a kind of way about it. I'm not saying that things like pictures of badges or streaks motivate me. I am saying that today was my 1025 day on Timehop and I just so happen to be... Continue Reading →

We Don’t Need No Water…

A match was struck The straw caught fire The roof was burning And I was smiling The smoke was blinding Lungs were charred Blinked my eyes In my car Headlights flashed by Signals missed Radio’s talking Am I hearing this? Inside I’m burning Outside it’s fine The burning house Is just my mind I don’t... Continue Reading →

#IAmWriting

I think it’s hailing again. Sounds very plinky outside. I think I’m writing a short story; I'm close to 3k words. I don’t know how long it could be. It’s all waiting to be told. The idea came right as I was falling asleep, and I was paranoid I was going to forget it. I... Continue Reading →

Happy Depression Day!

Today is Mental Health Day. It would be swell if I got to deal with my mental health once a year. For me, and anyone else who struggles, every day is mental health day. Often “good” days can be tainted with a sense of wondering when the shit will hit the fan. The “bad” days... Continue Reading →

37

I’m 37 tomorrow. Last night, I realized that 3+7=10=1 in numerology. 36 is 3+6=9. Aside from the ability to do basic math, (I’m a big kid now) in astrology, 9 is about endings, and 1 is about beginning. New cycle. New start. In the tarot, 1 is the magician card - the master of the... Continue Reading →

Experiencing Anxiety

This 💯 OCD is an anxiety disorder, and it is a chicken or the egg situation. Is anxiety making the OCD worse? Or is OCD making the anxiety worse? Combine this with mixed states in bipolar - where the person is both depressed and manic at the same time, it is akin to feeling like... Continue Reading →

Touched by Fire

I’ve been reading Touched by Fire. It’s a study on mood disorders - particularly bipolar - and artists. It’s so fascinating but also eating me up a bit. Reading the facts about Poe, Van Gogh, Woolfe, Tenneyson, Lord Byron...on and on...it’s cathartic to feel not alone and certainly in good company, and depressing to read... Continue Reading →

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