Holy Crap

Like a silent but deadly fart, I vanished without a trace.  I don't know if that made sense. Anyway, I'm going through about 7 million things presently.  Nothing bad, per se, but I really felt this need to shut up and get inside my own head.  It's funny, 2 or more years ago, I probably... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3) What If I Am Wrong (Part 2 of 3) I take medication to keep me stable, but worry that I am hurting myself more than helping.  I meditate and write to heal, but worry that I am proliferating my own madness.  I try to be an... Continue Reading →

What If I’m Wrong (Part 2 of 3)

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3) Prior to the hospital, I was convinced that I was supposed to write and help others.  I was convinced that if I wrote, everything would be fine.  Then, I got convinced my ex was talking to me through music.  I got convinced my phone was hacked... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3)

(Splitting this long post into 3, because I hate ridiculously long blog posts...) Those five words echo hauntingly in my mind.  There is a part of me that wonders what I would be able to accomplish if I did not second guess myself constantly.  I read not that long ago that people born under a... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #5

Delusions of Grandeur.... I've heard this term so many times associated with mania, and it never made sense to me.  If this is a metric of mania, then I am manic when I'm depressed or completely stable.  I'm a Mom.  My delusions of grandeur start at 6AM, when I think that I will get 3... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #4

There was a time that I wanted to be a "perfect" mom.  I structured my existence around watching everyone else and attempting to one-up them.  Perfectionism and motherhood aren't great bed-buddies, yet most moms I know confess they are absolute perfectionists. Everything about me relied upon someone else's feedback/approval.  I spent my life as a... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #1

Mental Health Awareness month has prompted me to start a new blog category.  To be honest, it's been on my mind, because it is my mind.  I've realized, though, over the past few months, that attempting to separate mental illness from being a Mom is like attempting to separate my left cheek from my right.... Continue Reading →

…Or Maybe?

Black and white thinking has always been the bane of my existence.  Ascribe it to whatever alphabet soup you'd like, but it's been problematic for me as long as I've been able to cognitively recognize words in my brain.  It's not so much that I am so black and white, but I catastrophize (Is that... Continue Reading →

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