Sterilize

Sterilize Sterile smiles, virile lies I’m getting better, my soul has died It is an illness It is insane It is my heaven It is my grave They say it’s catching Like I’m a cough They say I’m crazy I say, so what? Starry eyes, eerie cries Into the heavens I have soared I’ve danced... Continue Reading →

Thoughts on Trauma

The most difficult part of trauma is that most people don't like to use the word trauma. There is a misunderstanding that trauma is "so bad". If you had a bruise, it's skin trauma. All of us have had a bruise, so all of us have had some kind of skin trauma. To others, skin trauma means something "really bad" like someone shaved off your face and wore it. Not all of us have had our faces removed, but we have all had trauma. And we need to talk about it - because trauma can only be healed by being processed

13 Reasons..

With everything going on right now, I thought this had merit. With the tragic loss of the great Chris Cornell, I thought this post was good to re-share. 13 reasons why I am happy, and 13 reasons why I won't harm myself.  Inspired by Virtual Vomit And J-Dub 🙂 The challenge is to write 13... Continue Reading →

The Purpose of Pain

5 years ago, 2 people fought and 5 lives imploded. Countless others were hurt in the fallout. 4 years ago, I was continuing to be a functional alcoholic, self harming and taking out all my pain by starving myself and living on beer, a slice of ham and multivitamins. 3 years ago, I left the... Continue Reading →

Erasing the ‘t after Can’t

Hello there. Today was my 10th day writing on WordPress. I didn't get a badge, and I'm feeling a kind of way about it. I'm not saying that things like pictures of badges or streaks motivate me. I am saying that today was my 1025 day on Timehop and I just so happen to be... Continue Reading →

Happy Depression Day!

Today is Mental Health Day. It would be swell if I got to deal with my mental health once a year. For me, and anyone else who struggles, every day is mental health day. Often “good” days can be tainted with a sense of wondering when the shit will hit the fan. The “bad” days... Continue Reading →

Depression and little black dresses

If you asked me, (no one did) the hardest part of depression is admitting to yourself that you’re depressed. Following the woman in a black dress analogy, she doesn’t announce herself. She doesn’t even make herself at home. She silently climbs on your back and begins whispering in your ear. Her whispers become the painted... Continue Reading →

37

I’m 37 tomorrow. Last night, I realized that 3+7=10=1 in numerology. 36 is 3+6=9. Aside from the ability to do basic math, (I’m a big kid now) in astrology, 9 is about endings, and 1 is about beginning. New cycle. New start. In the tarot, 1 is the magician card - the master of the... Continue Reading →

Experiencing Anxiety

This 💯 OCD is an anxiety disorder, and it is a chicken or the egg situation. Is anxiety making the OCD worse? Or is OCD making the anxiety worse? Combine this with mixed states in bipolar - where the person is both depressed and manic at the same time, it is akin to feeling like... Continue Reading →

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