If you asked me, (no one did) the hardest part of depression is admitting to yourself that you’re depressed. Following the woman in a black dress analogy, she doesn’t announce herself. She doesn’t even make herself at home. She silently climbs on your back and begins whispering in your ear. Her whispers become the painted... Continue Reading →
I’m 37 tomorrow. Last night, I realized that 3+7=10=1 in numerology. 36 is 3+6=9. Aside from the ability to do basic math, (I’m a big kid now) in astrology, 9 is about endings, and 1 is about beginning. New cycle. New start. In the tarot, 1 is the magician card - the master of the... Continue Reading →
“Do you want to play?” He said. There was a twinkle in his eye. I was too young to know better, and curiosity always leads to stories. It wasn’t in the happy times He visited though. It was only in the sad times. Then, He would tell me how my veins would look better suited... Continue Reading →
It always starts and ends the same. Not enough. I am not enough. It is not enough. That was not enough. It was never enough to gain the one thing I wanted, but could never quite attain. Approval, maybe. Acceptance, perhaps? Love, for sure. But, I think maybe the calming hush of everything just being... Continue Reading →
Talking about rape, abortion, adoptions - also the last 20 years of my life. Don't read it if you don't want to read about yucky stuff. Go anywhere else on my blog, there's plenty.
The hydra is finished I modify my appearance with important events. I celebrated my driver's license with getting my cartilages pierced (and literally starting to date the dude who would become the father of the girl represented by my left shoulder) A tattoo goes on to mark something for me. (Literally, no shit Sherlock) Figuratively,... Continue Reading →
...Instead of running with anxiety, I’m questioning it. “What is this [discomfort of whatever form] saying to me?” Has been more helpful then “I’ve ruined everything and I am a worthless idiotic sack of shit” (believe it or not!) Earlier today, I did it and then went to meditate, and just now I did it and realized I needed to flop for a few minutes.
Well, the black and grey is. Next step is coloring the eyes and pops of color in the flowers. I was going to leave that for now, but instead, I'll go do that next week for a couple hours. This was about an hour and a half, I didn't even have enough time to fall... Continue Reading →
I got snake bites in December - it had been something I wanted to do since I was young, so I did it. A happy byproduct was that my lip hurt so badly, I couldn't bite my nails. I was able to grow them long enough to cover them with fakes, and today, I took... Continue Reading →