EVOOh no!

I rarely do this, but I don’t want to be an asshole while I’m trying not to be – trigger warning: SA. This piece started in 97 when I was 14. Took me til 40 to really finish and love part one. Thank you for reading and sharing in healing.

Here is my live reading on TikTok (also Insta and Facebook I’m friggin everywhere):

EVOOh No! On TikTok

On Insta

On Facebook

EVOOh no!

Dying leaves and verdant grass made a comfy bed

Your wilted mushroom standing, proud fungus of regret

No was on my mind, but blank upon my slate

I turned my head aside, found a happy place

Dreaming of an eve in garden, with a worm inside my apple

“7 minutes in heaven” for you, but let’s be honest, you finished in 2.

I tried to focus on the beauty of the dew, wondering why my tongue was chewed.

No is one syllable, yet I withdrew, I really wish you would have done so too.


Tall tales fell short as you chopped down my cherry tree

A tossed salad we could be – a cucumber with anxiety, your baby carrot stalking my celery with no attempts made at chivalry

Spreading my virgin olive oil, a mess, so unimpressed, pay no heed to my duress. Everything said no, but you took that to mean yes, I guess. You did your best?

Undress me? Why would he? Shove and stick, quick as can be. Alas! Lettuce not wax poetic about any part he pressed. Some memories are far more pleasant repressed.

Our ballad, our dance? Romance? No chance. With that tiny soldier in your pants? More like your tongue shoved down my throat, choking, groping, hoping…Not a whisper of truth spoken as you played a love token…

I wasn’t game, you preyed upon my doe…..I know, play-doh! Pounded and kneaded, let’s be honest, the end preceded quite prematurely seeded with a performance simply not worth repeating


I always wondered why in all my wordy matters

I can hear the birds chatter

Why demand my own head on a platter?

I tried to forget u, but you made me, the worst of which was forgetting the e in me stands for extraordinary. So here I be, producing produce poetry, laughing cause this pain is free, sucks much more for you than me.

Awakened in my garden, I see all this repressing, far lessened is my part or guilt in this lesson, unrequested, you took what I did not give

It’s depressing, I’m guessing, my darkness, my shit, though I will always laugh at you, I’ll see no blessing in this, but for me, not you: so much forgiveness

My soil – used and abused to make your tiny mushroom grow a second inch

My soil, tended and mended to finally tell you this: you’ve got a tiny dick, I barely felt a prick, eat shit and die, you fucking rapist piece of shit

-MahButtItches, wrote March 2017 after I remembered, reworked May 2023

Dedicated to anybody who can nod their head and say yeah me too. I hope I gave you a fucked up laugh today. “What doesn’t kill you makes you funnier”.

To be continued

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