Daily Prompt – 1928

List the people you admire and look to for advice…

I’d like to list myself first. Right now, it would prolly be disingenuous if I did, so I’d like to.

Going along with my previous babbles, it no longer makes sense to me to constantly hold everyone else in such high regard, and beat myself into the ground for any and every offense or perceived failure or whatever. I can’t possibly trust anything or anyone if I can’t trust me. Sure, I go to people for advice, of course. But, if I don’t listen to myself, do I listen to anybody else?

The person who chooses, acts, etc. is still each of us and I don’t know that many of us are able to follow any advice or insight precisely. We each do everything in our own ways. In the face of so much beauty (or horror), how much there is in this world, it is so easy to lose sight of ourselves, our own unique beauty and horror. No one can be each of us. It’s this perfect, completely unique thumbprint of reality.

Many want to be admired because they have yet to admire themselves. So much seeking external validation and guidance is essentially ingrained in every facet of life anymore. I see it and I know because I do it and have done it. That whole projection thing is head trippy, especially to realize, you simply cannot give what you do not have. You’ll just think you did.

No one can love someone else enough to make them love themselves. It doesn’t matter the relationship and it is a hard pill to swallow. Especially because, I think a lot of us are so concerned about “loving” everybody but Self…

Society and everything else just encourages this shit and proliferates it. Look how much money is made off people not being okay with being themselves and looking anywhere but themselves for validation, solace, comfort: love. Look how many people go to strangers on the internet for advice, ya know? In a culture obsessed with jargon dressed up to look smart, we’ve made bad words out of narcissism and selfishness, yet say to fill your cup first.

Did you know the lake wept when Narcissus drowned? The lake said she did not see Narcissus, but for how beautiful she looked in his eyes as he gazed. If any of us can’t see the beauty within us, we can’t see it without either.

Everything in extremes is unhealthy, of course, but deeply knowing, understanding, loving, admiring, trusting your Self is the only way anyone can give this gift to others. I think both narcissism and selfishness as typically applied are unhealthy because both are about surface. A traditional narcissist has no or an unstable sense of self, so others are necessary to feed and create the illusion of self. Even self-ish-ness: just the word implies a fakeness, or kind of self but not really. Ish. Whereas, clearing the shit that separates each of us from connecting with our Self, it is a job of one for one.

It’s certainly not selfish to know that if I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of you. I also can’t hurt/hate/disrespect myself without doing the same to you. And those words can be swapped out for anything. Love me, trust me, admire me, etc. Otherwise, I kind of think everything does become narcissistic because the reason behind anything is how it makes me feel. I love you, admire you, etc. if you make me feel good. That means you don’t see the person, see their unique perfection. You just shove them in a small box of how they impact you, and if you like it, it’s good, if not, it’s bad. It feeds the illusion of self, and doesn’t it inevitably backfire into some sort of codependent, “you complete me” bullshit otherwise?

Obviously, that’s not to say there aren’t metric fuck tons of people I do at least think I admire. Far too many to list. There’s a ton of dead philosophers I quote out loud or to myself on the daily. There’s a ton of musicians I credit with helping me save my life. Authors, poets, artists, and wise minds have all helped me. Friends and family, my kids, my husband, all very influential in a variety of ways, of course. But again, there’s a transactionality to all of this. They ____ me.

But, it’s we. It’s not so much about building a better I. The Self, the real Self, is everything. It’s honoring me to honor you, because we are ____. At least I think, I have no fucking clue, really. Ironically, my kid taught me by saying she’s thankful for herself first anytime I asked her what she’s thankful for today. So, I guess, the best answer I can give is, I admire everyone and learn from everyone.