Home Means Nevada

It’s hard to comprehend that it’s only been a year – it seems so long ago and yesterday. I read somewhere how time means nothing with love. I grew up in PA, became me in PA…yet as soon as I came here, I knew what home meant.

I remember being on my porch recording this. There was such a chaos in me. I was so scared, I was so anxious, and I couldn’t believe it was happening. This was the moment my dream really came true. We had our place. There was nothing to do but pack it up and move it in.

I have wished for Nevada before I saw Nevada. It was part of things I would say, and here it is. It’s everything I could have wished for yet nothing I knew existed. I love mountains, but I would have never mentioned it. I love being isolated yet not too far away from anything. I love the city, I love the casinos, but I love open spaces and land to roam. I love options. I didn’t even know Reno existed really. I knew it was the first place to get divorced and Marilyn Monroe was there. I didn’t know how perfect it was. Not even researching. You say “oh wow, so pretty” but pictures don’t do it justice. Words don’t do it justice. It’s home. It’s my home. We’re here.

It’s a wish I made and never thought about. Not how or if or why. It was something I knew was there waiting, and I knew nothing I did on purpose would put me there. The only way I found my home was fucking my life up so epically that home was waiting for me. Almost like, if I had maybe trusted myself and listened sooner, that video could be more than a year old. Yet at the same time, I know completely, everything happened in perfect order.

All this shit in the world has made me so grateful for home. Where nothing has made it feel anything but perfect. I see how if I hadn’t changed, and If I was still in my old life, I’d be miserable right now. I’d be insane right now. The pressures of covid would have put me over the edge to the point everything else would have been a cherry on a shit sandwich.

And maybe that’s for a reason. Maybe I’m always where I’m supposed to be and maybe I’m guided by forces beyond my comprehension. Because all I know is a little girl asked for Nevada, and a woman calls it a dream come true. She calls it home. If that’s not God, what is?