Sick

The sneaky and slithering s

crawling on your tongue

tinged with bile and a remembrance

a time when lies were little and white

your body betrayed your mind

A word you couldn’t utter

until your tongue swelled to the point of release

the ick of finishing a word you never wished to say

Like choking on a memory

or licking your own throat

You never asked for it to be this way

Yet no one gave you a choice

There are days your dryer setting is normal

and days the lint clogged and fires caught

And all the while, you’re swallowing a pill

you never wanted to take

There are days words spill in the right order

and sometimes people smile like they mean it

An episode where there’s no me or them

and momentarily you fit the mold you forgot

Then you sputter questions you never want answered

What color is your sky? or Did you see that?

Have you ever woken up, realizing your entire life is a sitcom?

Except it’s not a sitcom, it’s horror, and you’re just an extra

An extra who never realized they’re the lead

And the word remains, a leper in your throat

The word remains, a tapeworm to hope

You try to hide the truth of your tongue

behind the pearly gates of your own lies

but your mind betrayed your body

and your smile betrays the truth

The word

You don’t want to say

Because it just can’t be

That all the yesterdays you hid behind

are the aftertaste of a carcass

the rotting flesh of the person you were supposed to be

the decaying mask you perfumed and painted

as your shit still stinks a mile away

and now, as you sit alone in the truth

S slides out your eyes with acid

ick steals the breath from your nose

and you chewed your own tongue

to swallow what you’ve always known

Persona non grata

the tragic comedian

the rebel without a cause

the wise old bear

the foolish jester

They keep playing the part they’re scripted

As you start wiping your ass with the plot