Questioning everything and deciding nothing

I’m dealing with a bunch of school stuff for the kids and it keeps bringing me back to these same several questions:

-Is there a better way to educate kids?

-Are we expecting too much of kids?

-When do kids get to be kids?

-When did childhood become synonymous with prep-for-adulthood? As if there is no room for anything else?

-How do I reconcile feeling like a walking “what not to do” poster child as I try to fashion some list of what to do’s as if I am an authority on anything?

-Does anyone feel like your children are some evolutionary reproductive karmic MRSA? I don’t care what parenting model anyone ascribes to, the only thing that tends to work with my kids is giving them choices and treating them like small adults that I respect enough to explain things to and let them choose. And sometimes let them suffer negative crap because they, like the Nazis in Indiana Jones, did not choose wisely. But spanking? bribery? outright hysterics? that’s just a bone against bone scenario as I square off against militarized miniaturized versions of me that know I know how clueless I am and they know that no one can actually make them do anything they don’t want to do. It’s like the whole “I’m scared of my parents” thing doesn’t really exist for them. aaaand I actually think that’s swell, but then feel terrible it feels swell because I feel like I’m failing by old school, new school, and actual school standards. I just find far more “luck” in telling them why they actually would want to do something vs. telling them they have to, so that hopefully they won’t let people tell them they have to do things all their life. I don’t know. Fighting for peace has never worked in my life.

-Do I actually care about what school I, my kids, my style, etc. fit into?

-Have I actually ever thrived following anyone else’s conventions, expectations, rules, etc?

-If I tend to live (now) by “The only rule is there are no rules” is it truly shocking any of my offspring would be born with that belief? If anything, didn’t I had to essentially re-learn all this crap I knew when I was a kid innately but got talked out of it?

-Why do so many people believe in one size fits all solutions to unique people and problems?

-Why is there so much, “I did it, so you gotta do it”?

-Has that attitude ever helped anyone, and inspired anything new, innovative, or outside of the box of one size fits all?

-What if all the things kids are told are “weaknesses” or like “problems” or whatever – what if those are the kids strengths?

-What if kids are the equivalent of Superman, but we all tell them flying is impolite and disruptive? So, we just have tons of confused Clark Kents wandering around unsure why they’re so unhappy. And taking various types of medicine to escape this irresistible urge to fly?

I’m just so tired of everyone telling me all the problems. I want to hear about solutions. At some level, I feel like every time I participate in the insanity, I give a yes to it. Like, yes. I think it’s super great that people educate our children and get very little pay. I think it’s super great that children are expected to learn material that we learned at way older ages, sit for longer periods of time, experience few things other than academia, and have all of their beautiful shades pushed into a round a, b, c, or d (with a number 2 pencil of course.)

And honestly, lately, I just don’t want to put any yes to any of it. It all feels ludicrous and insane to me anymore. It feels insane that kids are expected to follow an old model for a slower mind and slower life. When most people sit at a desk now, they’re doing tons of different things – while our kids do the same things we did being taught the same way we were. If I can sneeze and there’s an update to my iPhone, can’t at least some things be updated?

That’s not to say I have any solutions, but sometimes asking questions feels more productive than bitching about problems. I do know that I remembered to ask God for help. I don’t know the right word for who I pray to, it’s definitely not any sense of God I was taught in Christianity…but I forgot that it works better if it’s out loud. It also works really well if you write your questions down and then look for the answers. Or listen. I find, when I actually do this, I tend to blurt the answer out to myself or someone else. So, in this situation, I’m seriously covering my bases ’cause I journaled, I prayed, and now here. One time I wrote here that “the butt will grow” meaning both my blog and my literal butt. My butt blog did grow and I got put on lithium after the psychosis and gained 50 lbs so my butt grew too, so I clearly need to work on specificity.

I feel better, and now I will get a 5-day badge for 12 days of writing. #multitasking

Let me know what you think on anything and everything – you just never know what you can inspire!


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