After tomorrow, all of the horizons will be unfamiliar. It made me cry, even though I can’t wait to have the mountains as my horizon, the reality of everything being unfamiliar is so intimidating.
Is it really though?
Questioning thoughts have opened my eyes to reality.
At first, I said yes. I have a hard time making friends, I tend to drink my face off to be sociable, I really am only friends with people I went to school with. I’m scared to be alone and I wont know what to do with myself without friends or people to hang out with.
None of those things are true anymore.
The mind wants to rule present with past, but reality is nothing like the past.
Everything is an old fear. Every worry has been accepted to create space for truth. If I try to reject how I feel, I create more chaos. When I listen to the worry and accept that of course I feel that way, it feels smaller and less powerful.
Reality is clear – we are ready for this because it’s happening. The more I trust, the more it aligns. I can’t force myself to stop worrying or being afraid, and I can meet myself in the middle. Yeah, this is hard and amazing at the same time. I don’t have to pick a particular emotion to go with.
All of the above works just fine. Reality is always all of the above anyway.
The simple process of taking “but” out of my language has forced me to see more clearly.
Focus creates the perception of reality.
We came home Wednesday night to one of my best friends waiting for us with an offer on the house. At 11:00 PM, we signed our acceptance.
The house is now under contract. My best friend worked her ass off to make this happen for us. We leave tomorrow not worrying what happens with the house.
She’s one of several incredible friends I “couldn’t make” selling the house we “couldn’t sell” so we could move across the country – something we “could never do”.
When I focused on fear, I felt powerless. When I created space by accepting I was afraid we wouldn’t sell, and opened myself up to solutions, solutions flooded me.
Resistance is created in life when you resist yourself. Everything in life is a reflection of what you think is “inside you”
I realized how much baggage I had just with this house. All these stories. We failed/were stupid/etc buying this house. We are stuck/don’t deserve change. Whatever it is.
Choice and focus is how the mind submits to reality. Inspiration is only possible if there is space to be inspired. It is very difficult if you’re talking to yourself over and over.
Rumination versus contemplation. “I can’t sell this house” vs “how can I sell this house?” One opens doors, the other keeps it locked.
“What you resist persists” (Jung). By fighting with this house and having all this crap associated with it, I’m holding it as much as it’s holding me. To let go, you gotta accept it.
I meditated on all of this, I wrote the old story out. Then I wrote the new story.
“Our house is a place where we raised our 3 children. We learned a lot of lessons in this house and Evan and I became adults and our true selves in this house. Our marriage began, ended, and was reborn in this house. We made it our home, we created a family, and we learned love. Our home was one of our greatest teachers, and we are ready to say goodbye and create a new home for our family.” I then wrote our house would sell next week, and I wrote a value.
Our house sold like I wrote.
It’s been a visual in my mind since the house listed and I stuck with it. It was so strong, I trusted it above anything else.
Reality exists beyond words. All of my words are meaningless. This was always going to happen, it’s my mind requiring these processes. Teaching myself to see life as it is. Just so.
Life is a choose your own adventure, where each adventure leads you home. Focus creates the story genre because the mind craves story arcs, protagonist, antagonist, and drama.
“…Nothing causes suffering like the undisciplined mind” Buddha