From yesterday, 1 week out from move.
Current mantra/hopefully help me keep some shred of me intact:
“The family that cries together, flies together”
Shirts are soaked in my children’s tears – for days now. My shoulder is soaked with my husband’s tears, and my cheeks are soaked in mine. I tell us all this is grief, we are watching a part of our life die, this is like death. I’ve explained a caterpillar becoming goo then becoming a butterfly… I’ve said this chapter has to end for the new one to begin…
How, though, as a mom, can I stitch my heart back together when I watch some of the best parts of mine go through this pain? How can I be strong enough to hold their hands and march through this? My son saying goodbye to his first best friend. My daughter saying goodbye to her first best friend. My baby up til midnight sobbing because buying his first best friend a gift made him realize he doesn’t want to move. I’m packing as I listen to my husband and son cry and he just wails “I don’t want to move” over and over?
My energy is leaking from my eyes, and it’s mixed with pieces of my heart. I have willingly ripped every fiber of my being apart to be the mom these kids deserve, and now I feel as though all I can give them is a reflection of their tears. My shirt to soak. My arms to hug. And I love you over and over.
I don’t know how many families sit in their living room sobbing together – Daddy included, but I have never been more heartbroken and amazed with my family. I am so proud of us. We’re all so brave.
Evan, sobbing, said “I m sorry guys. I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you.” I was gonna open my mouth to correct him, but something in me said to shut it. And I’m glad I did, because my mini me stole the words out of my mouth verbatim
“Daddy – don’t apologize. We voted as a family. We all said we want to do this. We all said yes. It’s all our fault then.”
I’m so proud of this family. We’re fighting. We’re yelling. We’re struggling. We are also still talking, hugging, and snuggling. We’re going to get each other through this, and it’s going to be okay.