Confidence

The whole process to get this tattoo took years – not just 6 hours in a chair. I’m not the type to put something on me just to cover it. I have hated my body forever. Self esteem came only from having a boyfriend or anything external. I remember telling myself I couldn’t be as ugly as I think I am if I had a boyfriend. That rationale led me to accept garbage. Not just accept – crave it. The inside is only visible outside, so every relationship In my life was not super great! I hated myself and I taught everyone to hate me just the way I like it. In order to get a piece like this, I had to be okay showing love handles, saggy side boob, stretch marks, and all the chunk I keep in my dunk. So, I became confident. It was a choice that led to a series of actions. Yoga helped unite me in my body and brought an end to disassociation. When I started experiencing the sheer awe, joy, and wonder of my own heartbeat, change became everything. I changed how i shop and approach food by going predominantly organic and local. I’ve lost 30 lbs by just listening to my body. I went from vomiting blood and having my hair falling out to the longest my hair has ever been with rare relapse. Once I was actually feeling my body, I worked on my posture and focused on frequent breathwork and check ins to stay centered and keep my spine aligned. Walking better immediately enforces confidence. Mirror work – especially ho’opononno – made me see myself. The true self. I am so beautiful, and the selfies are merely a reflection of all I Am. When I scheduled the appt, I bought myself open back shirts and wore them until it felt comfortable and natural. I actually feel sexy now. I’ve never felt sexy in my life, but there’s something about a girl with big ass hydras crawling all over her back that screams sexy mama. There is power when you come out of hell with your angels and devils as your best friends. Power and confidence are actually sexy. Anyone who disagrees can do whatever they’d like – someone else’s opinion has nothing to do with me. I have all the acceptance I need in the heartbeat I worked so hard to feel. #workinprogress #recovery

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