You Can’t Make This Shit Up

See these pants? These are awesome pants. They are bright purple, fuzzy, AAH! Real Monsters pajamas. These awesome pants took her youngest to the bus this morning. The woman in these awesome pants had a feeling there were going to be problems, but didn’t think about pants. Because she doesn’t think about pants. Today, however, the woman in these awesome pants wishes she had selected a different outfit for chasing her youngest around his bus as he screamed he didn’t want to go to school and attempted to evade her every attack.

If I might be so bold, I think the proper attire for truant trapping before Memorial Day is more of a soft mauve. I mean, what was she thinking?

As an aside, I’m not sure how I should feel about hearing the kids say “daaamn” when I shoved him on the steps. They were prolly jealous of the pants, right?? Right?

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