The Un-Scottish Tag

The Scottish I don’t live in Scotland, but this chick told me to do it Tag

Question 1: Whereabouts in Scotland The United States of America are you from?

I live in the Keystone State, which is Pennsylvania in the US of A. I was recently mocked via Snapchat for using a drive thru to obtain my pharmaceuticals, so I suppose Scotland lacks such fine amenities. I pondered this while snapping and driving (not really), applying makeup (definitely not really), and carrying around a small rat sized dog in a purse (really really really not really)

Question 2: Where’s your favourite place you’ve been in Scotland?

Well, I’ve never been to Scotland, so it’s hard for me to say. However, here in the US, I would say Phoenix,  Arizona or San Diego, California. Both are just some of the most amazingly beautiful places I’ve ever seen.

Question 3: Where would you like to visit in Scotland?
Honestly, I’d be happy to go anywhere in Scotland. It looks beautiful from all the pictures I’ve seen, and I’m super curious about that whole Loch Ness monster thing. Not really. But no, the mountains and mist…looks incredible. Also, there is a fine ass Scottish tart who snaps me some pretty sexy produce, and I’d love to knock her knickers. Or fanny, apparently fanny is a very different meaning between US and Scotland.
In the US, I would love to visit Hawaii, because it’s fucking Hawaii.
Question 4: What is your favourite Scottish film?
Is it wrong if I say So I Married an Axe Murderer? Because, I mean, come on. I’m going to go beat Kirsty with a stick on that one. 
As far as favorite US film, christ I don’t know. Fight Club. 
Question 5: Do you match up to any Scottish stereotypes?
Well, I feel a lot of kinship toward Fat Bastard in Austin Powers Goldmember. I think eating a baby sounds enjoyable, and I really think we need to be more openminded in our diets.
According to my Snapchat, I am a lazy shithead of an American, I suck because I can wear tank tops and look at a bright blue sky with fluffy white clouds, and I’m very brash and mouthy and I curse a lot. So, I guess there is that.
Question 6: What is your favourite Scottish food?
So, one time I was made to try vegetarian Haggus. and like, I didn’t know you could make something so unappealing sound more unappealing. So I tried it, and it was as if I tasted the death rattle of rat shoved up the ass of Larry Flynt. It was… it was so repugnant, I almost went full on carnivore in protest. like for the rest of my life, permanently only eating meat in vigilant boycott of any notion of vegetarian haggus. I’m having flashbacks right now and i’m starting to retch. That said, i don’t know if Scotch eggs are truthfully Scottish or if they are like General Tso’s of chinese food, because i’ve never been to Scotland, but I do love Scotch Eggs.
Uh…as far as American food, I mean, my favorite food is Italian, so… what’s American food? Hot dogs? I had a baconator for dinner tonight, but I’m pretty sure everyone has wendy’s, right?  Oh! okay, Wawa everything. Wawa Italian Shorti hoagie, mayo, little oil, provolone cheese, sweet peppers, roasted peppers, lettuce tomato, olive oil oregano, and depending on my state of affairs, occasionally pickles and cucumbers, hell if I’m trying to lie myself to believing a carbohydrate boat drowning in olive based fat, fat based fat, meats that have bits of fat showing in them, draped lovingly in the arms of cheese, topped with a few off coloured vegetables, spinach. because #adulting or the Wawa Gobbler, which is hot turkey and gravy, cranberry sauce, stuffing, provolone cheese.  It comes out for Thanksgiving. Oh, there that’s very patriotic. #USAUSAUSA
Question 7: Do you follow any Scottish traditions?
No, I don’t really think so. As I am neither Scottish, nor have I been to Scotland, I will admit I am woefully uninformed. That said, I think Gordon Ramsey is Scottish, and I fucking love him. So there.
As far as America, yeah, I mean I like to watch shit get blown up to celebrate our independence.
Question 8: What is your favourite Scottish word?
Currently Fanny, because who knew!
Otherwise for me, it’s fuck. What a fucking surprise.
Question 9: What is your favourite Scottish song?
 Uh… We’ll have to go with Mike Myers covering Rod Stewart in the Scottish Film classic, So I married an Axe Murderer!
As far as me, I mean… I don’t know. God Bless America, I guess. #USAUSAUSA
Question 10: Can you recommend any Scottish you tubers?
No, I cannot, but I can recommend a Norwegian YouTuber – Leo Moracchioli is amazing, and you should go love him.
In the US, 10 Second Songs is amazing.

7 thoughts on “The Un-Scottish Tag

Add yours

  1. Well, Itchy Arse, I don’t even know how to respond to this, other than to say it might be the funniest thing I have ever read! Man you’ve got some beef, why you so angry, is it the itchy fanny?

    Can I come to Hawaii with you? I’ll let you beat me with a stick…and so much more.

    Honestly one of the funniest things I have ever read. I’m slightly scared too, you cuss more than me!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I’m just chuffed that you think so highly of me. Admittedly, I was laughing pretty hard writing this, but it was very late and I was unsure if it was actual humor or delirium. Did you notice my xenophobia tag? 🤣🤣💯🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I didn’t even think I sounded angry! Now I’m really questioning my life. Is this why no one talks to me
        Anymore? I was just channeling Gordon Ramsey for Scottish influence. And Donald trump for proper us guidance and xenophobia

        Liked by 1 person

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