Mystery Blogger Award

Thank you to my sistah from anotha mistah, sex slave from a past life (or 7), and the woman I spend way too much time snap chatting produce based sexual innuendo with: Honest K for the nomination! 

If you want a good laugh, lots of sarcasm, and to learn about how weird Scotswomen are, head on over to her blog. I don’t know how she and I are so weirdly similar, but I suspect I will find out once I hop on a transcontinental flight and steal this woman away from her hubby and make her my consort. Together, we will grab the Gold (blum) and make a trifecta from hell.

Thank you to the creator of the Mystery Blogger Award Okoto Enigma

Rules for the Award

  • Display the award logo/image on your blog
  • List the rules
  • Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and provide a link to the nominator’s blog
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  • Answer 5 questions from the nominator
  • Nominate 10 -20 bloggers

Three things about me…

  1. I am a Mom, which most people know. What you don’t know is that thanks to being a Mom, I pee myself almost constantly whenever sudden muscular movements happen in my body. Did I just sneeze? Well, I probably peed myself. Did I talk effusively? Did I laugh, chortle, snort, or even consider the possibility of humour, oops! there you go! I don’t know why I feel inclined to give this liquidy overshare, but I will say, I will take all the random bursts of unsolicited urine if it means I get to raise my 3 Poopies. They are the coolest, most amazing kids in the world, and I am so overwhelmed with how blessed I am to be their mom – piss pants and all.
  2. I love crystals. I forgot about this obsession as I got older and dumber. One day, a friend gave me a quartz, and I remembered how all the cool kids would go to the mall to buy clothes and candy or whatever, and I would head to World of Science to expand my crystal collection. I bought a rock tumbler and used to tumble my own crystals into smooth beauties, and I had books upon books studying them. Remembering that, I now have another crystal collection, and I have a tendency to go buy more at least once a month. I usually carry at least a few with me at all times, and I absolutely believe they help. I feel tons of wicked cool vibrations from them, I have stopped massive panic attacks with them, and I tend to sleep with a few under my pillow every night. I got the Poopies in to them as well, which is great, because this is an expensive habit and we all seem to dig our crystals. $$$ I actually just bought myself an Orgonite wand, and Jack thought it was a crystal dildo, which is both hysterical and probably plausible.

    This is a good chunk of them. My daughter made the sign to protect them. I love her
  3. I don’t really know who I am anymore. I realize that sounds weird and some sort of quasi philosophical musing, but it’s actually really cool. I spent so much time trying to fit in, or make people like me, or accept me or whatever. I kind of built this facade of a life to assure success and praise, made myself miserable and lost my shit. It’s been like 4 years trying to get my shit together, and I have succeeded in losing even more shit. Just yesterday, I realized that I am actually just like a little kid again. I can be whatever the hell I want to be “when I grow up” as a matter of fact, I am whatever the hell I am. I’m a writer, I’m a healer, I am 32 flavors and then some… It’s the coolest feeling in the world. I used to get so frustrated with how often my moods and everything would change and it was constantly feeling like there were a million different people living in my head. Now, it’s kind of like, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I want, so that must mean I have everything I could possibly want. Woot. I owe all of this to my obsession with Alan Watts, Maynard James Keenan, and assorted others. I find it hysterical that my obsession with TOOL/APC/Puscifer turned me from a corporate Type A boss of a woman to a childlike hippie who wanders the would in doughboy pants generally not having any shits to give. I dig it.


Kirsty’s Questions for Me

  1. Do you think people are born evil or become evil? – I know, it’s theft but I liked it so much I want you all to answer it.

Well, for one, I don’t believe anyone is completely evil or completely good. We’re all a hodgepodge of what we are, and evil and good are words and labels we apply. I believe everything in life is a choice. I don’t believe there is some sort of evil gene residing in people, or a good gene. I think we all think, our thoughts become reality, and this pattern continues. I actually was obsessed with serial killers when I was a teenager. Almost every serial killer you can think of had a horrible, horrible childhood. In many cases, it was their mother, and often they are killing their mother over and over again through various victims. On the flip side, there are plenty of people who were abused who turn out to be helpers and healers. To me, “evil” is a necessity. You cannot know “good” unless you know “bad”. You can’t have God without the Devil, and you can’t play a game without an opponent. The problem is forgetting that the people who you say are evil probably think they’re doing good.Do you think of yourself as unique? Why?

2. Do you think of yourself as unique? Why?

Of course. I don’t think anyone in the universe is like me, because I’m me. A special little urinating snowflake in the cosmos. I am an amalgamation of my past, my thoughts, and my perspective. I think everyone is unique with a vast array of gifts and curses, tools and weapons. I think the more I have accepted I am different, the happier and more at peace I’ve become. Nothing has ever been more painful than trying to fit in. It’s like trying to get my size XL ass into an XS.

3. What would it say on your tombstone?

“Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted”

or perhaps:

“I can watch you poop now.”

4. What is the biggest threat, in your opinion, to humanity?

Humanity. The polarization we are all living under right now – to the earlier question, this good vs. evil, and every vs. that we use is not only making us completely insane, but we have lost sight on reality. In this gross obsession with labelling every component and facet of ourselves, in this effort to differentiate everything from everything – straight vs. gay, republican vs. democrat, on and on and on, we have lost sight of some simple truths – we are all human, we all sit down and shit. Like seriously, have you ever gotten so worked up at someone, and you just hate them with every fiber of your soul, and then you step back and realize that’s someone’s kid, someone’s mother, whatever? Why give so much power to anyone? we all cop a squat and do the doo, no one is greater than the other, no one has all the answers, no one is anything more than shitting skinbags. Until we all realize that we are both completely different and completely the same, I see things getting worse.

5. Imaginary or not, what Guinnesss World Record would you like to accomplish?

The largest collection of pajama pants.

The chosen ones:

Jilly-Willy has an amazing outlook on life, she is very inspirational, and she has amazing taste in music. I adore her in every sense. J-Dubs Grin and Bare It

Yassy’s poetry is breathtaking, almost as beautiful as she is. She is a beautiful soul, and my twin ❤ Yashkan

Philip’s writing is profound, inspirational, and truly sets my mind aflame with wonder and curiosity. He is a sage and philosopher. Essence From Within

Like erotica? I LOVE her. She also cracks me up and is a complete nut job, like me, in the best possible way 🙂 : Hopelessly Inappropriate

Kimberly writes about her life with bipolar, and I love her perspective, and she’s been a great inspiration to me. I love seeing women thrive but still be vulnerable. It’s okay to not be okay, and reading women like Kimberly help me remind myself that! This Girl’s Got Curves

Sue is another amazing writer when it comes to BPD. Women helping women is my bag (baby). And I really connect with fellow females who aren’t afraid to show their scars.  I found Sue’s blog during Suicide Prevention Month and was really moved to share some of my story in the hopes of helping others:My Loud Bipolar Whispers

Last but certainly not least, Tales of a Hypochondriac – Courtney is amazing. She’s one of my Snapchat buddies in addition to the crazy Scotswoman that got me into this mess. She’s in the process of taking her life back and I’m so excited to see her transformation. She’s a total badass.

So, there you have it. I donno how many that is, but it is enough for me, and there is no particular order, I love them all equally. ❤

Oh shit, right, I have to do questions:

  1. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would?
  2. What is one thing that could bring you to drop kick a poodle in rage?
  3. You are given 1 opportunity to travel back in time to change 1 major historical event – would you: Kill Judas, Kill Hitler, Stop Donald Trump from being born, Take a bullet for JFK, Take a bullet for Lincoln, or take a bullet for Franz Ferdinand?
  4. You are given 1 opportunity to travel back in time to observe 1 major historical event, what are you going to see?
  5. You have 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world and $5,000 in your pocket, where are you going and who are you going with?

Thank you for the love Kirsty, and I’m sorry it took me like 2 weeks to do this, I don’t know what the fuck I’ve been doing….oh right, snapping your crazy ass and booking intercontinental sex-capade flights. Is that a word?






4 thoughts on “Mystery Blogger Award

Add yours

  1. sex-capade – it’s a word now!

    Loved reading this, Itchy Fanny! It’s amazing how similar we are, utter filthy sexual beasts. I too have a weird interest in serial killers….I’m telling you, we are the same person, how spooky!

    Love that you feel free and liberated getting to know yourself, I can relate to that feeling. Feel free to discover yourself on snapchat – I mean that EXACTLY as you think I do, just make sure to shave it first and cleanse all traces of coconut.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh!!! I did not know that. We shall have to do a simul-post of weird serial killer facts and whatnot. So spooky and awesome!

      Hey man, hairy coconuts are hot. I’m taking it back. For me. For us. #shepersisted

      Liked by 1 person

      1. haha!! Stop! I can’t take much more of this hilarity! Too funny!
        I’m liking that idea, weird facts…I’ll be that kid that actually writes ‘weird facts’ and you’ll recoil in horror like ‘really, you eat toe fluff? C’mon, really? That’s too far.’

        Liked by 1 person

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