Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law of Motherhood explicitly states:

1. if your children are going to incite mutiny against you, each other, pants, and all things peace and quiet, you will have your period at the time.
   • You may also be completely out of coffee, and it will be too early for wine or beer
   • Your only comfort in times like these: “at least I’m clearly not pregnant.”
2. It is always easier to clean their rooms yourself, but you will fight on principle
   • Even if you get them to clean, the rest of your house will suffer for your travesties
3. Their willingness to eat is inversely proportional to the amount of time you spent cooking
   • You will inevitably see endless posts on Facebook of beautiful family dinners as you wonder why you didn’t just do a veggie & cheese tray and tell yourself it’s crudites
4. If you don’t mop, they won’t spill.
   • If you do, you will never figure out where the hell that sticky spot came from
5. Time-outs are a form of cruelty
   • To you and you alone
6. If you are somewhere quiet, your child will announce loudly they farted, with pride
   • Tantrums are also mandatory

It’s been a morning… Any others to add? I need a laugh.