I’m not going to lie, I’m hitting a weird wall the last few days. It’s likely depression, and I’m trying to approach it better than the bury-head-in-sand ignore it approach or the move constantly so it won’t catch you approach.
I wrote to myself today, all day: “I know I’m
Not okay, and that’s okay.”
I forgot to buy milk yesterday, so I went to get it today when I needed cigarettes. I forgot the milk. I couldn’t weirdly go right back in because that’s weird. So, I went up the street to Aldi to get milk. I could have beat myself up, because I’ve had no energy, and I’m moody, and I’m not eating right enough, etc. but I just laughed and called myself a dumbass. I turned the music up louder. I noticed when I’m struggling with depression, trip hop/edm/anything with minimal lyrical content, helps me most. If I stay with “the usual”, I tend to go down rabbit holes of seriously miserable shit (amazing shit, don’t think my shit is shitty) and I spiral down more. (Just in case you manage moods with music, there’s a thought)
Anyway, I found this trip hop/jazz hop mix on youtube, and it made me smile. I laughed at myself, and I went to aldi, grabbed the milk, and I grabbed a bouquet of roses. I told Shock they were for her so I could see her smile and get all giddy. I figure, when she’s not around, they’re for me too. I always wished my exes would buy me roses when I was sad.