I have no idea what it is like to be inside someone else’s mind or skin. Similarly, though likely less important, I have no idea what other people’s Facebook feeds look like. I used to love going on Facebook, because I ignore almost all of my friends and read articles of inspirational or intriguing .. stuff. Now I’m just flooded with a euphemistic nightmare that would make George Carlin kill himself, if he wasn’t already dead. If you cannot fit yourself neatly in an adjective, do you even exist? I swear, if you lack –y, -ism, or –ist as a
descriptor, you are as fashionable as jorts with socks and sandals. The mind likes to break things down and categorize – it’s the very nature of thoughts. The problem is, people aren’t things or objects of speech. The bigger problem is, when you seek to differentiate or separate yourself by looking for the differences, you overlook the similarities. Acceptance, like love, cannot be conditional, and it is not reliant or described by objects of speech.
It’s shocking the power people give to words. Bashing adjectives is not helpful, inspirational, or even remotely educational. Right now, narcissists are getting a lot of attention and they are all abusers. Someone commented, “I wish the whole lot of them would just die, all they do is hurt everyone around them.” That seems extreme, but I guess I can’t be surprised. It has become increasingly important to conform to a structure, versus being the mess we all are. The structure, however, relies on extremes to be the norm. A person with an adjective doesn’t make them a bad person, but it may make them bad for you. If they are not building you up, they are tearing you down. The descriptor is irrelevant. People are labelled “abusive”, “toxic”, “addict” and “evil”, but in every single case, people overlook context. A narcissist did not abuse you, a person did. They may be a narcissist, but they are not just a narcissist; if nothing else, they are also a person you loved. If you didn’t love them, they could not have abused or hurt you. An empath is not special or powerful and neither is a narcissist. They are personality types. Either can use their personalities for good or bad. They say many artists are narcissists (bipolar, depressed, crazy, etc…), so in all the hatred against narcs, you may wish to stop enjoying music, poetry, etc. Art and love come from the place of accepting the darkness in the light, the bad in the good, and being the other in yourself, and yourself in the others. Art and love make beautiful messes – just like life, just like people.
The current focus on divisiveness, us vs. them, and labels reinforces a powerless victim mentality and gives power and choice away. Abuse is pain projected outward, addiction is pain projected inward. Both are about power – power over suffering by taking power away from self or others. Addiction/abuse/mental disorders all tend to work together in a really shitty orchestra. Between genetics, learned behavior, and coping mechanisms, it is a chicken or the egg conversation. Believe me, I am not standing on the outside looking in, I dig narcissists, as my relationship history would testify. What I won’t do, however, is hate them or shame/blame them or shit on them. It makes it even harder to realize: what the hell do you even define as abuse? Toxic? Love? These are words describing huge torrents of emotion, memories, etc. A word doesn’t work, because each is defined solely by your experience – your context. My concept of love, personality, and self, like my Facebook feed, is not yours. It’s a combination of my likes, memories, and dislikes. It’s messy and confusing as hell. Like everyone. No word, type, etc. will ever be context. Without context, everything is as useless as commenting on a post saying you wish someone was dead.