Have you ever thought about how you treat yourself? I’ve been doing a lot of study/work on the inner child, and I embraced the notion of re-parenting your inner child. It all started with the simple suggestion to ask myself, “What do I need today?” I started my day journaling it to myself, and it has been enlightening. For one, I have a severe, SEVERE addiction to cheese and nuts. It’s becoming very apparent to me. For another, I am in need of a lot of attention, healing, and compassion. Lastly, it is glaringly obvious to me that I think way, way, way too much. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, I think, err, talk about cheese and Carl Jung a lot (not together, usually).
In my itchy assed opinion, I think most “new age”/”spiritualist”/etc type concepts are renamed Jungian archetypes, theories, and philosophy. What does the deliciousness of cheese and Carl Jung have to do with helicopter parents? I’m glad you asked! You didn’t ask? Tough shit, you’re finding out anyway.
Jung described two archetypal complexes: Mother and the Father. A lot of writing you see nowadays, if you are looking into (what I call) Wu-Wu philosophy, discusses healing Core/Mother/Father wounds and correcting core beliefs (Self limiting beliefs, abundance blockers, etc.). The Mother & Father wounds/complex can come from our actual Mommy and Daddy, or even the archetypal figures – any woman/any man. I’m not going to go deep into either of these realms, because these are areas that need to be studied and explored on your own. Think of this as me attempting to make your ass itch as mine does.
The wounds are typically more prominent depending on gender – daughters/mothers, sons/fathers. These complexes frame our personalities, thought processes, etc. If you are familiar with AA or ACOA – think of the “Laundry list” of characteristics of an addict. It’s a similar principle. Behaviors typically exhibited by a particular population type. In this case, your wounds could manifest as addictions, abuse, trauma, but it also has positive aspects, as it is the core of how you live; it is not just dysfunction. The complex is handed down from generation to generation, typically unknown or healed. This is all buried deep in the psyche, so in order to heal acceptance, and release.
This may sound familiar. Most people know Freud’s theories are essentially “mommy issues” that cause different disorders, personality types, etc. Jung is a next level Freud, because Freud was predominantly concerned with libido and eschewed spirituality, whereas Jung believed there is a divine and that all humans seek divine, the lack of which can also cause disorders. In the Freud world, if you are, say, a thumb sucker or a smoker, you have a subconscious need that was not met in your early development which resulted in an oral fixation – nurture or nourishment was not provided in that stage of development and that is your resulting coping mechanism. In Jung’s world, you have different personality types (Myers-Briggs uses Jung’s theories), neuroses/pathology, etc. all associated with the corresponding wounds.
Essentially, your life has a blueprint of reaction determined by your wounds, and until you face this, you will never truly walk your own path. Again, none of this is solely abuse or trauma related, this is a psychologist/philosophers study of the brain/patients and that every parent screws their kid up to some degree. In Wu-Wu and Jung’s philosophy, you must address the wounds and heal in order to grow. In both, this involves finding and embracing your shadows, acceptance, love, and higher power. The current terminology is re-parenting yourself.
My question then became, okay, well how do I currently parent myself? I know how I parent my kids, but how do I parent me? How do you parent you? Remember, this is not even about your actual parents, the Mother and Father Archetypes cover tons of figures. This is not supposed to be a witch hunt, rather self exploration into beliefs and ideology that forms you subconsciously.
For me? I am a fucking helicopter parent to myself. I micromanage myself to the thought. “Why am I thinking that? What does that mean?” I constantly try to make sure I don’t screw up. I enable the shit out of myself. I keep myself insanely stimulated to attempt to keep myself out of trouble. Trouble, in my case, is anxious or depressed. I do not allow myself to take risks, and I like to keep everything structured and perfect to avoid making mistakes. Well, I did. Then I started meditating. Meditation is letting me become more of the “cool” mom – to myself and my kids.
So…what kind of parent are you? How is it affecting those coping skills?
To be continued…
Check out Actual Self-Help Tips for some tips on re-parenting.
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