Lost in the Search for Answers

I went to the mental hospital the first time in July, 2013.  As I sat in a chair waiting to be taken to my room, I felt my world implode.  Until that moment, I was “quietly crazy”.  I knew something was not right, but I believed I hid it well.  I’ve never been shy about talking about depression or anxiety, but this was different.  I was twitching, stuttering, and I could no longer discern what was my brain “being noisy” (intrusive thoughts) and my own thoughts.  I remember lying in my bed and thinking, “Everyone knows now…”

I had been told before that I “do too much, push myself too far, it’s not healthy.”  My ex has said so many times, “I don’t know who I am coming home to after work.” All I truly understood was, “this is how I am!” I AM a perfectionist, I DO like being…