Happy?

I was un-diagnosed until my 30s, but there was never a time that I did not think I was crazy.  I wrote on my blog yesterday, that “I am crazy” has been one of my core beliefs/wounds.  I have joked to friends my anxiety is so bad, I get anxious when I realize I’m not anxious, because I’m paranoid I have forgotten something.  “I am crazy” typically manifests when I am depressed, angry, or “not normal”.  Not normal is about as broad as you can get, seeing as I haven’t the first clue what normal is, but somehow I was supposed to be it.  In general, I’ve always held a suspicion and fear that I was not like most people.

I have a terrible habit of Google diagnosing myself.  I’ve had so many negative experiences in the mental health arena, that I tend to trust WebMD more than the MD…