Meeting a friend of Jack’s today, and she brought her kids. As the five kids are running around blowing bubbles, I turn to her and say, “so…wanna just Benadryl the kids and get drunk?” She started laughing and said that she wondered if people actually did that. I said it’s kind of tough to know, you have to find a good, subtle way to ask someone if they’re cool with drugging their children. Come to our Benadryl party isn’t an ecard yet, unfortunately.
Drugging kids is always an ice breaker.
Yesterday, my youngest was riding his bike with no helmet. I told him he had to get his helmet on. The adorable little shit goes, “mom, I am wearing a helmet, it’s invisible!” I go, “oh good. I guess if I slap you it won’t hurt!”
“I’ll get my helmet”
I was honestly surprised it worked. Then he’s still without a helmet. It’s invisible again! He couldn’t find his black helmet. I took his bike and told him that was invisible too.
He was also throwing a tantrum tonight, because he wasn’t playing rock band with us. Jack asked what he was doing, and I said “just cha cha’ing his oppression.
I somehow gained 15 lbs over like Easter? I am kind of baffled, as I smacked on cheese and pizza tonight. Luckily, we all like to press chocolate into adorably delicious shapes. I seriously don’t get how any of us feel okay biting a bunnies’ head off. I do it, it’s delicious, but what are we teaching our children really? it’s more Black Sabbath than anything. I got myself a giant hollow chocolate egg stuffed with truffles. I also got myself some new yoga pants to hide these excellent decisions. I’m going to get back to actually doing yoga in these pants, so maybe I can lose these beheaded bunnies.