The footfalls and giggles of the girls made Luna’s heart explode into butterflies. A smile erupted on her face, as she lay prone, terrified to mar the moments in the slightest. Eyes closed, she listened to the girls gleefully chattering. “Where’s Mommy?” she heard Lacey ask. “I hope she’s sleeping.” Laurie said, in too mature of a tone for one so young. “We should make her breakfast!” Laurie exclaimed, and Lacey responded, “Let’s go.” as their voices and footsteps grew distant.
As if on cue, Lucas began crying. Luna rose automatically and headed to his room. The smell slapped the remaining sleepiness from her brain, and her eyes watered and scanned. He must have had a blowout, and his diaper must not have stayed together. Scanning the crib, she saw brown smudges everywhere, and she fought back a gag. Lucas was covered and hysterical. Luna grabbed him and tried to calm him as she headed to the bathroom. Seeing the door shut, she had a flashback to the gory scene of Eric’s last shower, and fought a second wave of nausea. She started the water, forgetting the girls, forgetting Eric, and just focused on the wailing shit covered child in front of her.
She undressed Lucas and tossed the clothes into the wastebasket. The diaper didn’t fail; he had no diaper on. Luna sighed and assumed she had messed up again. Without Eric for stability, or at least to force the illusion of stability, Luna had noticed how unwound she was becoming. As she placed Lucas in the bathwater, she wondered where Aaron was. She was not completely sure, but she had thought he had been staying with them and helping. As she was scrubbing the baby, she felt his arms encircle her waist. “Hey.” came the simple whisper in his gravelly tone. Instinctively, she leaned back and nestled her head on his stubbly cheek. “I’m fucking up again, Aaron…” she said.
“You aren’t. You really aren’t. You are doing much better than most.” Aaron replied vaguely. Luna did not have any understanding of what he meant, but she had hit a stubborn spot of dried poop that she was focusing on. “What happened to me last night?” Luna asked absently.
“You shifted again.” Aaron responded, taking on a soothing tone. “Shifted? What are you…” Luna saw a flash of her wandering naked in the moonlight again. Was she dancing?
“Whoa! Luna!” Aaron jolted her back as she saw Lucas sliding underwater. He gently pushed her aside, scooped the baby up sputtering, and continued, “Luna, you need to go rest. That’s your only job today.” He gently prodded her toward the door with his hip, blocking her from the tub. Luna nodded and went to her bed. She did not wake for 3 days. Her son would be dead and her daughters and Aaron would be gone by then.
The footfalls and giggles of the girls made Luna’s heart explode into butterflies. A smile erupted on her face, as she lay prone, terrified to mar the moments in the slightest. Eyes closed, she listened to the girls gleefully chattering. “Where’s Mommy?” she heard Lacey ask. “I hope she’s sleeping.” Laurie said, in too mature of a tone for one so young. “We should make her breakfast!” Laurie exclaimed, and Lacey responded, “Let’s go.” as their voices and footsteps grew distant. Deju vu filled Luna with foreboding, as she scrambled from her bed. She did not recognize the covers or the room, she realized. She went into the hallway, saw the beautiful rich wooden walls, and remembered where she was right now.
She moved to the steps smiling, as she heard the girls squeal, “DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Luna was lost, and instinctively checked her ring finger – empty. Luna’s heart began racing, her memories must be…wrong…again…Then she heard Aaron, “shh, babies, shh…don’t wake up Mommy, okay?”
“Yep Daddy…” the girls chirped in unison. Luna’s brain gave up, as she rushed down the steps. She came into the kitchen, and saw him. She tried to catch her breath or thoughts, as she felt her heart attempt to break her ribs. He turned to face her, his eyes radiating how her heart felt. His lips seemed to move soundlessly, as both girls were entwined around his legs, faces covered in pure joy. They didn’t seem to notice Luna standing confused and frozen. He reached his arms up, and gestured her to come to him. Luna paused for a moment, too discordant to command her feet to move, but her heart had a mind of its own. Unthinkingly, her feet marched her to his arms, and he pulled her against his chest, chin resting on her head. Hearing his heartbeat made her brain attempt to start digesting information. The soft thread of his t-shirt, his cologne mixed with nicotine, his index finger curled at the base of her skull, and the fact that she forgot he existed.
Suddenly, she realized that everything she seemed to remember was wrong, and she became uncertain about any point in time, including this moment. The scene of her dancing naked in the moonlight flashed in front of her eyes, as she heard the little boy’s voice, “Hi Mommy!” she’d grown accustomed to the little boy chiming in from time to time, but this seemed different, louder, more…”LUCAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the girls screamed. Luna gasped, refused to open her eyes, this couldn’t be possible. The little boy spoke again, “Hi! hi!” She felt the girls break from Aaron and take off. Aaron took her by the shoulders and spun Luna around. With soft brown hair, big brown eyes, and a bowl cut, a baby her memory would barely allow her to remember stood before her. Luna began sobbing, and fell to the floor. Lucas came up to her, sat in her lap and nuzzled his head on her chest.
“Fucking bitch!” the angry man growled. Luna was jarred and confused, she thought there was only one man… “You are dead, you are fucking dead, you know that?” she stuck her face into Lucas’ hair and tried to breathe it away. Aaron leaned down and spoke sternly in her ear, “Tell him to shut the fuck up, and focus on your son.” Luna smiled and did as she was told. She felt the same calm she had in the kitchen prior to Aaron calling. The thought, everything is as it is meant to be, returned. Aaron continued, “We will talk later, just be gentle with yourself, okay?” Luna nodded and began greedily kissing her son, tears plopping in large drops on his downy hair. The whys and hows could wait, as long as this moment could stay in her mind forever. The girls encircled Luna and Lucas, and for the first time in longer than Luna could comprehend, she felt whole.
“Were two little ladies fixing breakfast?” Aaron broke the silence cheerfully. The girls giggled in response, and he scooped them in his arms. “What’s Mommy’s favorite?”
“Monkey pancakes.” Laurie said firmly and Laurie added “Yup!”
Aaron replied, “well let’s see what we can do” and shooed Luna and Lucas to the living room. Luna sat on the couch still snuggling Lucas. His eyes barely left her face, as if his mind was jarring loose memories he couldn’t understand. Amber came behind the couch, now, and softly spoke to Luna. “Welcome back.” Luna looked at Amber, and her memory surged. “Oh my god…Eve. EVE.” Eve smiled and nodded. The quiet woman/Amber/Eve were one in the same. “Why didn’t you….tell…me….” Luna choked out, between tears, confusion, and a fresh headache bursting through. “Luna, I can’t. You have to remember, if you don’t remember, it will make it worse. It’s how this always worked. I didn’t remember you at first either….Not until I dreamed…” Eve replied gently.
Luna could hear the girls giggling in the kitchen as Aaron doled out jobs and tickles. “What about him…?” Luna asked. Eve smiled, “He has been watching you and guiding you as best as he is able. You certainly make things difficult, but he has always believed we could bring you through.”
“Through what?” Luna asked
“Luna, close your eyes. Imagine something. Something good. Something that will make you smile, okay?”
“I already did…this…right now…this is the dream I won’t let myself have.” Luna stammered
As expected, Eve replied, “Yes, Luna, exactly. You can bend the rules” Luna and Eve finished the sentence together, and Luna’s mind began racing again. Eve put her hand on Luna’s cheek, holding her eyes steady. Aaron and the girls came out with pancakes topped with fresh bananas, and Luna had to question how a rarely used mountain home could have fresh produce. “Eat Mommy!!!” the girls insisted. Luna closed her eyes and shoved a big bite into her mouth.
The footfalls and giggles of the girls made Luna’s heart explode into butterflies. A smile erupted on her face, as she lay prone, terrified to mar the moments in the slightest. Eyes closed, she listened to the girls gleefully chattering. “Where’s Mommy?” she heard Lacey ask. “I hope she’s sleeping.” Laurie said, in too mature of a tone for one so young. “We should make her breakfast!” Laurie exclaimed, and Lacey responded, “Let’s go.” as their voices and footsteps grew distant.
Luna was in her bed, the familiar taste of bananas in her mouth. She rolled over, and saw Aaron’s back facing her, stirring. He rolled over, and saw her widened eyes. He wrapped his arms around her, as she instinctively grasped her ring finger. It wasn’t empty. He smiled in recognition and kissed her. “What the…”
“Luna, you are awake.”
Mah Butt Itches 
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