Black Feathers

When depression sets in, it seems like you have been dropped in a maze

All around you, you can hear and feel happiness

But you keep rounding corners and smacking in to walls

It knocks you down, and you scream at yourself to get up

But your legs decided today just wasn’t their day

The worst part is knowing that it was okay

The worst part is feeling your smile decay

In the maze, you smell delicious food, but it turns your stomach

You can hear people laughing

your brain whispers, they’re laughing at you

So smiles and laughter make you run into those walls a little harder

They make you scream a little louder to just…fucking…stop…

When you have depression, there’s a black bird on your shoulder

It pecks you every time you try to move forward

It snatches the good from everything and feeds it to itself

While it shits on your shirt

When you have depression, you try as hard as you can

To make someone else smile

To make someone else laugh

To make someone else’s day brighter

When you have depression, all you want

is for no one else to feel the way you do

They say the black bird is the messenger of Apollo

They say it’s a sign of good fortune

I don’t know the luck in not giving a fuck

But I guess depression can make me a nicer person

I can say with truth, that I would not wish this on my worst enemy

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

I just whisper, hold on a little longer

Eventually, maybe my brain will stop begging me to kill myself

In the meantime, I’ll let that bird devour all my joy

As I practice smiling, because I’d rather try

to make the world bright, when I can’t find light

I can’t find the sun, behind the clouds

I can’t find happiness inside the maze

But, it hasn’t killed me yet

No regret

I’ll just keep…..